I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
