as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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