Sponge bath it is.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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