I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
