Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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