the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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