I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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