just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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