In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
