apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
