so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
