haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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