Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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