mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
