At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
