I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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