More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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