i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
