She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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