im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
