Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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