When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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