Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
