My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
