so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
