I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
