Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
