I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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