Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
