Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
