Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
