I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
