Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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