The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
