I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
