Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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