Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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