Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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