What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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