so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
