the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I still have a little drunk in my system
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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