**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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