I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
