nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
