Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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