He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize