No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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