Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
