Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
