remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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