We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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