The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
