i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
