I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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