I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
