Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
