He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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