how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
