its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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