he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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