Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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