Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
