What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The power of my boobs compel you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
