next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
