Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
