garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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