He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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