i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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