My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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