You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
