FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
