we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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